we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
