I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
