her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
