Pants 0. Shit 1.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
we're so committed to being not committed
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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