too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
