Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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