i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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