can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
