So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
