How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
