And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
