yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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