i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
