u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
