"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
