yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Randomize
