How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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