It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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