I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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