You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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