I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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