Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
