P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
