wrigley field is MILF paradise
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
