wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
