New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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