I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
