if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
