3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
