I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
