Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
