You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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