are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
