i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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