My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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