Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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