How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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