My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
