He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
