All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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