so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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