I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
