I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
