his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
