i already hear my dad disowning me
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
