You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize