Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
