honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
