hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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