sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
