Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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